So last week I successfull only ate on 2 out of 7 days!! Woohoo!!! I was pretty much able to eat very very little during the whole trip so that made me feel really great. But then on Sunday night when we got back, instead of going straight to bed like I should have, I stayed up and ate and ate and ate and ate.. Then I ate a ton on Monday (no school cuz of MLK). Tuesday, I didn't eat all day and I went to the gym, but then I pigged out that night.. So I played sick the next day and had several binge/purge episodes throughout the day. I didn't go to school today either, but once again, I pigged out. Tho today wasn't nearly as bad, I still feel awful. Thankfully I didn't let myself throw up today.. And now I can't decide if I should attempt to go to school tomorrow or if I should play "sick" again.. I can't fathom going to school right now.. not with how totally disgusting I currently am.. I can't stand the thought of people looking at me and judging me.. Like, i'm soooo fat right now, it's really grotesque. I hate people looking at me. I just want to go back to being thin. I need to stop eating is all. But I keep binging all the freaking time, so all my hard work goes straight down the drain. Like, If I had just binged Sunday night and then gotten back on the band wagon the next day, everything would have been fine. But now, I've had to isolate at home, and only end up making things worse because i'm a fat arse who can't show even the slightest bit of self control. God I really hate myself right now.. I can't stand it. I really really can't...

What the hell is the point of not eating for 5 days only to go and totally undo it all the following week? I'm getting nowhere this way.. I need to go buy a digital scale is what I need to do. So I can start weighing myself more often. I think I can get one at Wal-Mart for around twenty bucks, so I'll probably go do that on Sunday or Monday... right now I still have to decide if i'm going to school tomorrow..I just don't know if I can have enough self control to stay at home right now... well, ttyl.